Get a Room!
There’s nothing quite like shooting the ball around, even if you’re all by yourself. If you have a court at home, you can perfect your layups and handles in the privacy of your own backyard. However, one thing we don’t recommend using a basketball court for is to improve your love-making.
For whatever reason, the 5-year-old version of the OP thought he’d try and make out with the rim’s pole. This wouldn’t have been too bad, except that their mom saw every second of the make-out scene taking place in the backyard. Instead of minding her own business, the OP’s mom informed him that she could see exactly what he was trying to do. Jeez, at least let him finish, mom!