Gotta Do it Yourself
Puberty does crazy things to some guys. Dudes will spend all day in the bathroom trying to be slick, even though mom and dad know exactly what’s going on in there. However, doing the deed on your own is nowhere near as fun as getting someone (or something) to do it for you.
The OP decided that he’d see what it was like doing it with a vacuum cleaner. Mom and dad probably knew something was up when the vacuum cleaner went missing. There’s no way in heck their son would’ve felt like vacuuming the floors out of the goodness of his heart. That’s not how teenage boys think!