Canned Unicorn Meat
Shut up and take my money rating: 2.0 out of 5.0 stars because unicorns were definitely harmed in the making of this canned good. Okay but hear us out: spam is so overrated. Everything about it is: the typical salty and savory taste, having the typical round-edged cut, made from the typical pork meat. How about we upgrade your canned good experience and bring you the Unicorn Meat — literally the stuff made of dreams! Taste the dreamy goodness of this sparkly-sweet mythological creature guaranteed to elevate your usual last-minute dinner idea.
Rainbow-filled with 100% authentic unicorn sparkles, this unicorn meat will definitely put the “good” in “canned goods”. Coming soon: Loch Ness monster sausage, Medusa mac and cheese, Minotaur beef jerky, Mermaid fish fillet, and many more! * (*Keep refrigerated. Failure to store in freezing temperatures runs the risk of mythical resurrection and scared children.)