Butterfingers
Somehow, just 12 hours after birth, the OP almost allowed their newborn baby to roll off of their lap and land onto the hard hospital floor. Thankfully, they didn’t, and they caught the baby by the face (what does that mean?) in the nick of time.
The second incident was when they actually dropped their baby onto the floor a year later. Man, this person should probably stay away from holding their kid for a couple of years or until they learn to improve their grip. Then, they taught their child the meaning of sarcastic. Good going, OP and OP’s wife. Stellar parenting right there. /s